you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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