This house was built for laser tag.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
