do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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