woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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