apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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