Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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