see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
