I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
