I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
