there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
