went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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