It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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