She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
