I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
