if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
