have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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