I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
