ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize