She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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