he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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