Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
