Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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