some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
