I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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