I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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