He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
