im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
