I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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