doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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