she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
