i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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