R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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