I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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