so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
