Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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