My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
