You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
