are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
