I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You pole danced in your parka.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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