youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
please come you make the beer taste better
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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