do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
