That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
