I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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