Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
