Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
