If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i have two assholes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
