READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
