I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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