I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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