How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
