i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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