1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
