I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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