i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
