Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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