sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
