Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize