we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
