he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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