I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
