I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
