i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
