What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Less talking, more tequila
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
