My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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